Vernon Wright - October 26th, 2008

The internet has made me feel so close to everything and so far from everyone.

 === Credits ===
Produced by Halfwit Podcasts ( https://www.HalfwitPodcasts.com ).
Written by Matt Spaziani ( https://vocal.media/authors/matt-spaziani ).
Vernon Wright is voiced by Jonathan Swenson ( https://www.jgswenson.com ).
Based on the journal role-playing game "The Machine" by Adira & Fen Slattery ( https://adira.itch.io/the-machine ).  

Music and sound effects used with Zapsplat Gold, and Ghosthack Music licenses.  

Transcript

Vernon Wright - October 26th, 2008

Is this all there is? Like…me, being an adult?

I don’t know, maybe that’s weird to think about. It just feels empty right now.

I had a weekend job with Dennis yesterday, and we obviously got to talking about the move. He could tell I was having trouble with it and tried to reassure me that we’d keep in touch. He said he was getting an account on Facebook and I should do the same.

So that’s what I did today. First I tried to make some progress on the machine, but no luck there. I worked without getting anywhere for a few hours, and then Nigel started running around, and I lost any focus I had. It was weird - I tried to look for more of those unfolding bits, and as soon as I thought I found one, he got all riled up. He was going fast, too. I’d see him running from one part of the room, and then when I looked up again, he was in the opposite corner.

Anyway, I couldn’t work with him acting like that, so I stopped and decided to jump on the computer and sign up for one of those accounts. MySpace was kind of a thing when I was in college, but I skipped over that. Truth be told, I thought it was pretty useless and made fun of some of my friends for it. But now I don’t think that was entirely fair. Everyone I ever knew was either in class with me or a half-hour away in my hometown, and a lot of my classmates came from far away. With Dennis moving, I think I get it now. I’ll have to say sorry to a few people if I ever see them again.

Which may happen sooner than I think, actually. Facebook has a search feature where you can find anyone else who has an account, and that definitely sent me down a rabbit hole. I added Dennis like I said I would, and then I figured I should reconnect with some people from college, so I started looking it up, and all of them just seem so…happy.

Is it bad to be upset about that? I don’t know, I guess I’m not upset, exactly. Jealous, maybe? So many of them are talking on there about how they’re doing well. There’s this one girl I met in orientation, Jess O’Laughlin. She studied architecture, and we graduated at the same time, and now not only does she still have her job, but she’s engaged to her college boyfriend. And that’s only in the two months since school. In that same amount of time, what do I have? Parents who won’t talk to me, a job I’ve already been laid off from, and a social circle so small that soon my best source of company will be a rat. A fucking rat.

Like…what am I doing here? Is there something I did wrong that I’m being punished for? Or is there something else? I studied for four years to be an engineer only for it to evaporate a few weeks later. Is it possible that was intentional? That maybe I’m supposed to be doing something else with my life?

I don’t know. I had a friend in college who had some weird beliefs - astrology and crystals and the like. I didn’t really buy into it at all, but maybe she was onto something. That’s just the only thing I can think of, the only reason why me and my friends all did everything right and they’re all fine and I’m not. There has to be something else.

I think I’m going to call out of work tomorrow. I’m just…I’m not feeling okay. I need to take a day to relax and think about things. I don’t have vacation days, but I’ll just call in sick. Don’t have sick days either, but I’m sure I’ll get Dennis to understand. Spend the day with Nigel instead.

Well, Nigel plus one, actually. He made a friend. I was worried, because I know rats in old buildings generally aren’t great, but this one seems nice. And I already have one rat, so one more probably won’t hurt anything. It’s better than being alone, at least.

"This Machine Belongs to" is a production of Halfwit Podcasts. This episode was written by Matt Spaziani. Vernon Wright is voiced by Jonathan Swenson. Based on the journaling game "The Machine" by Adira and Fen Slattery.

If you'd like to support our endless toil with the machine or listen to our other podcasts, visit HalfwitPodcasts.com, or find specific links in the show notes of each episode. 

Lastly, the most efficient way to build The Machine is by telling friends of its importance in our once meaningless lives. Some day, This Machine could belong to you.